Embrace your fear

Had a blast doing a yoga photo shoot in the Olbrich Botanical Gardens in Madison, Wi this afternoon.

Some recent health concerns have made me sad, withdrawn and feeling helpless, so I haven't been on the mat much. I used to turn to yoga when I needed a boost in my energy and confidence levels, but lately it's been hard for me to practice because I haven't felt genuinely myself, and I felt that darkness would invade my presence, even on my mat. So I stayed away, hoping to protect that sacred space and save it for a time when I could be reflective and truly embrace it and make myself powerful again.

This past week, I took a yoga class with a room full of strangers and tried to imagine what I'd want if I could completely reinvent myself. The yoga teacher's message to all of us was "embrace your fear." She shared a personal story of the fears she had about her 23 year marriage, and openly cried in front of us. I ran up and wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug and thanked her for sharing her vulnerability, and at the same time, her strength. I am constantly relearning how to be brave, how to be open with myself and others, and to embrace the things I fear and dread, knowing I cannot allow them to define me.

So today, I finally got back on my mat, and dedicated my practice, and the resulting photos, to the strength I know I have, and the strength yet to be realized after I fully embrace my fears.

#exaltedwarrior #yoga #yogaeverydamnday

Back in the practice

Been having a hard time, being too hard on myself and going thru a health scare that's been making me reevaluate what is important in my life, how I spend my time, knowing that is my most precious resource. Trying to remember to be humble as I face the great unknown, even as I try to define what I want the greatness of my life to be.

weightlessness

Feeling the weight of so many things lately, but mostly sadness at seeing so many good people come and go from my life so quickly. It's been taking a toll on me, making me afraid to open my heart to new people lest they disappear. To love others is to become vulnerable and it can sometimes make you feel like you are not enough, that other people make you better and you are more complete with their presence. It is a difficult thing to grow as an individual -- in strength, in self-knowledge, in self-reliance -- and still keep other people close to you throughout that process. To still find the energy and strength to love just as fully in the face of that pain. Trying to find that balance every day, and some days are harder than others.

This week I've been spending a lot of time in the pool, swimming laps for hours until I feel physically exhausted, then floating on the surface staring up at the sky while hearing my breath under water. Swimming, floating, breathing and pretending to fly... The closest I can get these days to feeling weightless. In honor of that feeling, flying fish pose. #yogaeverydamnday #sadness #selfacceptance #depression #bedtimeyoga